The fun thing about life is, there are so many different ways to succeed at having total control. Most people do it by setting up their life in an unchallenging way that rarely if ever requires them to interact with people or situations that they do not like and/or understand. Some people do it by becoming massive tyrants, whether in a professional, political, or other sense. They have real power over the people around them, and when they tell somebody to jump, that person says, “Yes sir of course please don’t kill me.” Those examples are more or less the …continue reading
Valentine’s Day is upon us once again, and those of us who have a special someone in our lives are commercially obligated to pretend that they’ve done something to merit special attention in the middle of February—which I suppose they have, by being a warm body in our beds all through the winter and keeping us alive through the frigid nights. What I’m saying is, I know our budget is still depleted from Christmas but if I don’t get some jewelry this month my husband had better hope it doesn’t get unseasonably cold. But what of those unfortunates who have …continue reading
It’s the twenty-first century, everyone. We’re enlightened now. We have microwaves and cell phones, and we know that stereotyping people is a terrible thing to do. We are blessed to live in an enlightened time, and we would never dream of making assumptions about people based on knowing only one fact about them. Having said that, we all know that Catholic schoolgirls are sluts. But. BUT. It isn’t their fault. There is a very good reason that Catholic schoolgirls, as opposed to just plain regular schoolgirls, feel the need to slut it up all the time: they’re overcompensating due to …continue reading
From what I know about you, you probably got all your ideas about what kings and queens and princesses are like from Disney movies when you were a kid. Then you grew up and found out that royalty barely even exists anymore, and all you ever heard about was like, Prince Charles and Camilla, or Kate Middleton or whatever, and you were probably disappointed but by that time you had better things to do, like go to your job at Hot Dog on a Stick and worry about whether you were getting into a top-tier college, so you sort of …continue reading
You know those people you meet, who have never had anything bad happen to them? You do. Everyone does. Maybe it’s because they’re pretty, or because they were born rich, or because they’re just lucky, but for whatever reason, there are people in the world who just sort of sail through life, and the things that they consider “problems” tend to be what most of us would think of as “a regular day.” If you don’t know what I’m talking about, congratulations. You’re one of those people. The thing is, every once in a while, one of these star children …continue reading
Okay, maybe not all of the news this week is good. Some of it is, though. And the podcast is definitely good. That much I can promise you. This week, Aurora, Mary and Josh discuss the eradication of the Star Wars expanded universe, Armond White, selfie rage and people who hate texting in movie theatres a bit too much.
All right, full disclosure: I decided to write about Caligula because I found out I could stream the movie on Netflix Instant and I heard Helen Mirren gives a blow job in it. This proved not to be the case, but the Netflix movie was only an hour and forty minutes long and imdb said that it was two hours and forty minutes long, so maybe she does it somewhere in that missing hour. If she does, I don’t care. The version I watched was a million hours too long and I’ll never do it again. I simply cannot condone …continue reading